Could this be borderline personality disorder? please only people who know their s***?

Im not a psych, just to let you know, but it sounds like you have bpd. Do you feel abandoned in life (by family? friends?)? Do you feel like you need to control everything? Do you have reccurring ocd (obsessive compulsive disorders)? Sounds like you want to be close to people but at the same you get very anxious and defensive around people. Your also prone to depression probably. if so then your probably bpd, do you have someone you can ask about this? Try to get help from a doctor if you feel like this is impairing your life. And don't feel bad, there are others that feel like you. Its a human thing thats perfectly normal and been doented. I really hope you get help, you sound like a really nice person in a bad situation.